On Things that Annoy me about Superheroes (feat. terrible MS Paint art)

I enjoy a good superhero movie. They're good for some mindless escapism and light entertainment. I never really got into the comic side of it all, so some of this list will only relate to the movies.

Skintight Spandex Suits

Why was this ever considered a good way to clothe a super powered being? I can only assume that it's used by the heroes as an extra weapon against the villains.

The stick figure limbs probably don't express this as well as they could. This could be for the better.

Captain America

I'm sure I would probably enjoy this movie if I could bring myself to go and see it. To me though, he just seems outdated. He worked as a bit of war time propaganda (yay America!), but in the modern era, I dunno...

If they're going to keep him around, then I say give more countries a chance at being a superhero! Let's see Captain Australia! Just, you know, let an Australian design him or her so we can avoid the cliches...

Perfection

Superheros need to be more flawed. Okay, sure, they're superheroes, they're meant to be better than us normal folk. In the interest of story telling though, it's a lot more interesting if the characters have a dark side. A tragic past. Or any other fact which makes them seem just a bit more human.

Fortunately, not all superheros are guilty of this one. And I think the Marvel universe less so than the DC one. Let's be honest though, in general, superheroes are pretty flawless individuals.

Especially Superman.

Screw Superman.

Secret Identities

I get it if a super hero wants to keep his identity secret. It makes sense. I have nothing against that, specifically. No, it's more the manner of how many of them keep it secret.

Superman just puts on a pair of glasses and all of a sudden NOBODY KNOWS WHO HE IS! Yeah. Right. According to the creators of Superman, everyone in the world must be stupid. I know people that wear glasses, as I'm sure everyone does. I still recognise them as the same person either with them, or without them.

Iron Man and the Green Lantern were refreshing, as far as this goes. Iron Man because Tony Stark doesn't give a damn if people know he's Iron Man. The Green Lantern because, even though he wore a face mask, the people that knew him still recognised him.

Superman

I hate Superman.

He's made to be perfect in every way. Ugh. He has his stupid secret identity, as mentioned above. He's better than a normal human in every single possible way. He's super fast. Super strong. Invincible.

What cheese.

But wait, I hear people saying, he's not invincible. He's weak to kryptonite! True, but what a terrible idea this is for story telling.

"I have a fantastic idea to beat Superman!"
"Does it involved kryptonite?"
"Why, yes, how did you know?"

What suspense! I had no idea that the villains super secret plan to defeat Superman would ever possibly involve kryptonite!

What cheese...

Radioactive stuff is good for you!

Why, it must be! Look at Spiderman. Radioactive spiders did wonders for his athleticism! The Human Torch has been the hottest man on the planet after bathing in Gamma Rays! Bruce Banner is saved all the effort of working out when he became The Hulk due to radiation!

Us normal folk would just get radiation sickness and cancer. These people get super powers. It hardly seems fair.

I ask you though, is this responsible of the creators of these franchises? Could they not be encouraging kids to expose themselves to radiation in order to develop super powers?

Hey, it's just as likely as video games turning people into murderers...